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eHow of the day

A comic genious

So you think you can dance?

Boogie Til You Puke

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You think you got it bad? How about the band that was all lined up to play at the suspected Craigslist killers wedding? They have made world headlines by crying the blues that the show probably won’t go on. That is what Megan McAllister, the fiancée of suspected killer Philip Markoff had issued in a statement, but she stands by her lover and says she will cooperate with the investigation. What a sport eh? It just shows to go ya that LOVE isn’t dead after all! Sniff!

And hey, the band that was booked, a Bruce Springsteen tribute band is probably getting more hits on their website than they ever imagined, why, this could very well propel them right into stardom! They are getting so much press and even though they lost a big gig, they just might be able to parlay this whole situation into something huge! Good to see that capitalism is alive and well here in the good ole US of Fucking A!!!

William Forte the keyboard player for the “Bstreetband, (gee, such an original name too) that was hired to play at the couple’s wedding said that he got a call from a relative of McAllister and told him “that as of right now, there is no way they will be able to have the Aug. 14 wedding date.” But you never know? Who is to say what the judicial system is capable of? I think they should have the wedding. Why not? Go ahead! It could really show America how strong love is. I’m sure it will be a killer wedding!

Plus Markoff was under a lot of stress, being a med student and all. That’s a lot of shit to live up to. All those late nights studying and all the peer pressure. He obviously wasn’t thinking right. That is probably what caused him to hire a Springsteen clone band to play at his wedding.
Oh well. Life goes on…………..

How about this flu huh? It’s got everybody in panic mode. Perhaps it is the good Lords way of eliminating some of the population? Nahhhhhh. It’s just another thing that is just a part of life. Ya got yer serial killers, yer crazed political leaders. Ya got yer basic virus or flu that kills innocent people………..ho-hum………..life goes on!

Here’s a funny headline out of California:

Girl beats off muggers with marching band baton:

Hmm……..sounds like those muggers got more than what they were asking for! Lucky bastards!

And in Nebraska, a 23 year old inmate wanted to change his name to “Sinner”, but the judge decided against it. The inmate feels that his extensive criminal record and his three child support cases against him, are good enough reason for him to change his name.
Although the judge denied him the name “sinner”, he did grant him permission to change his name to “Asshole”.

And remember kids…………..be sure to wash yer hands and scrub the whole house down with Clorox bleach. Don’t go out if you are feeling sick. And last but not least, do not plan a wedding if you are planning to kill people. It can really cause an awful lot of in- convenience for everybody, not to mention the wedding band!

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April 30th 2009 @ 03:57

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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eHow of the day

eHow

eHow to make a rubber band helipcopter

I hate it when the country goes into a recession or a depression, or whatever the hell it is we are going through. I am sure there are scores of financial analysts that would enlighten me as to what it is we are going through. It comes as no surprise to me that the word anal is a big part of analyst.

Blah, blah blah...nice rack babe!

People can be difficult to deal with (myself included), but when funds are low and work is scarce, the world turns even uglier. People are scratching and clawing to make a buck and the internet could be an easy way to make money.
There are always new gimmicks on how to make money online, some promising me that if I pay $99 for their e-book, that in 15 seconds, I will be making $164,567 a week for the rest of my life. Oh joy. Now I can travel the world and send my kids to college and hang out by the pool with scantly clad blonde women.

I believe the reason why people want to work online isn’t just because of all the $ they can make, but I think it is good for people to stay away from each other as much as possible. The workplace can be a real freak show, and if you happen to be sensitive, you will be eaten alive. After my last gig, I ended up on the 7th floor of my favorite psychiatric hospital.

Employee of the month

One of the trendy ways to make money is writing articles.
There is a site called eHow, a site that you can write about how to do something, like how to make a 3 minute egg.
Now EVERYBODY is writing articles on how to do stuff. I was gonna open up an account and start to write however I couldn’t think of anything that I know how to do. But I did think of all my wonderful work experiences and the cast of characters I have dealt with over the years and I decided to write an article to honor all those folks on how to wipe my…………

The Cats In The Bong

A Nebraska man was arrested earlier last month for stuffing a cat into a bong. Yup, you can’t make this stuff up folks; he was actually smoking pot with the cat in the bong. What was his reasoning? He wanted to calm the cat down. I think I worked with this dude and after about 9 months, I wanted to stuff him into the trash compacter to calm his miserable ass down!

eHow Of The Day: How To Calm Down Your Cat:

Step 1 Call your drug dealer.

Step 2 Ask if they have any pot because the anti-depressants just aint doin it.

Step 3 Go to that convenience store down the road owned by some third world guy and buy a bong.

Step 4 Find cat.

Step 5 Put cat in bong.

Step 6 Start smoking

If cat is still hyper, repeat steps 1-5

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I know you didn't ask, but my feelings are very strong on this whole financial crisis. It is all because of greed.
While I was going about my day in this tormented life I lead, the thought came to me that money is the root problem to just about everything. Not enough of it, too much of it, it's all the same. If God could see us humans, he is probably saying something like: I gave them free will and the best thing that they could come up with is this?? Awww Geeeeezz.......

in God we trust

Got Pot?

The real easter bunny

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April 9th 2009 @ 04:47

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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Robin the hood

It seems to be yet another case of Say It Aint So.
I found myself hanging my head in disbelief after I read that the world famous Robin Hood was not as wonderful as portrayed in history. As it turns out, 13th century Sherwood forest was a lot like the Bronx. Just when you think you can at least rely on good old fashioned British legends to help you get through your work-a-day life.
Robin Hood was known for stealing from the rich to give to the poor. Even though stealing isn’t the right thing to do, he did have good intentions.

Robin wit da ladies

Well, as it turns out, some academic chap had found some inscriptions in the margins of an ancient history book that criticized Robin Hood, saying that he and his men were quite the bandits and were not as kind as they were originally made out to be. There was also question as to whether he was around in the 12th or 13th century.
Julian Luxford, an expert in medieval stuff, says that the 23 word inscription stated that Robin Hood was not well received by the monks and describes this animosity as monastic attitudes toward him. Perhaps Robin Hood had been an altar boy?

And why are we hearing about some inscription in the margins of an ancient history book now? You mean to tell me after all these years after flipping through the pages of that book that they never saw that inscription before? I bet you could find other more interesting things hidden in the margins of those books. Bet there was some serious monastic herb hidden in them books! That’s what Robin Hood was probably doing in Sherwood Forest, growing pot!

bud from sherwood forest

And what about the discrepancy in time? Was it the 12th or 13th century? How could you be off by 100 years? Would the Monks and Nuns ( I don’t know why I just capitalized the words Monks and Nuns) be more receptive of him 100 years later? I mean He was probably the Snoop Doggy Dog of the 13th century.

There's more be-otches back that way Robin!

Besides, I really think Robin Hood and Sherwood forest never existed. I think that history scholar is getting the whole thing mixed up with 100 acre woods and Winnie The Pooh!

Yo! What up!! YO??

Two brothers in Massachusetts were arrested after their car was pulled over and the officer noticed a plastic bag sticking out of a sack of dog food. Turns out that the plastic back was filled with 20 grams of crack cocaine. The dog apparently had no place to go so the officers were making arrangements for him, however he did reek of alcohol and he was sent to detox.

my name is Roooby and i am an Alco-Rolic

easter is comin ya know

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March 19th 2009 @ 05:10

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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pickens oil plan is what it is

It is what it is

Catch phrases.Never have been a big fan of them. At first they are amusing but then they get to be annoying.I guess that my annoyance level can get pretty high when things aren’t going my way and the last thing I need to hear is somebody responding to me in an automatic fashion.I don’t know if they are just trying to be “hip”or whatever they are calling it these days but most folks do talk in catch phrases.For example you are having a conversation with someone and you ask them a question and the guaranteed response will be “absolutely”.It makes me feel better that they give me an absolute response even though I was going to give them the benefit of the doubt.
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March 2nd 2009 @ 21:45

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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The ups and downs of immigration

I don’t know if you have noticed, but there has been a sudden decline in illegal immigrants. Yup, ever since a former elevator mechanic at Los Angeles International Airport had been arrested for smuggling in illegal immigrants, the number of illegal immigrants has gone down (no pun intended). The former elevator guy, Roberto Canchola admitted to earning $1,800 for each immigrant that he hid in airport elevators. He will begin a three year jail sentence in which he can figure out how many immigrants can fit in a jail cell.

Here we see immigrants getting off the elevator

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February 24th 2009 @ 06:26

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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Let me take you to the beach

I live by the water. There is nothing like a long walk on the beach to clear your head. It also provides many sights that are inspiring, and tragically some that aren't. I am talking about the landscape of course. The beach is one of my favorite places to people watch.
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July 29th 2008 @ 03:49

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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You don't bring me flowers anymore

Yo-Yo baby wanna git wit choo

A few years back, I came across a person who was the easiest going person I ever met. I guess you could call him a kindred spirit. He had a very simplistic way of living life. His logic gave me a higher sense of understanding and it seemed to untangle even the most complex problems. Sitting at the bar at about 2 o’clock one weekday afternoon, there was a person down the other end of the bar telling his heartbreaking tale of a broken relationship with a woman. My new friend just looked at me and said the most profound statement, “Women, can’t live with them, pass the beer nuts. That was five years ago and this free spirit suffered an untimely horrible death a week later from alcohol poisoning. That could be the reason why he was so nonjudgmental about life. Booze is also a good reason why men and women get together in the first place. The two things that many folks hold dear are making $ and getting laid.

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July 8th 2008 @ 16:42

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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The walrus was Paul

Beatlemania is coming back again. Not those knockoff bands that are touring making big bucks off the fab four, but an old interview with John Lennon and Paul McCartney was found in a garage in London that was done 44 years ago. The 9 minute interview highlights the two songwriters talking about how they first met. The long lost interview will air on BBC Radio 4 on Tuesday and repeated later this week. It kind of makes you think about why it was stored in a garage. What if somebody wanted to have a tag sale? I can hear it now. “Honey, what do you want to do with this old film canister? Should we put it out with the old lawnmower and sofa for the tag sale this weekend”? I wonder what else is in that garage. Maybe some long lost footage of the Kennedy assassination? Maybe the walrus killed JFK.
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July 1st 2008 @ 16:48

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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The Laundromat From Hell

During the course of my day today, I was confronted with all different kinds of situations. It just seemed as though everybody that came into my path was, well, let's just say in rare form. I am sure that everyone goes through days like these from time to time. I am by no means complaining, crying out about how bad I got it! But I don’t know, by the time the day was half way done, I was looking around to see if there were any hidden cameras, just like that old show Candid Camera.
It sometimes feels like there are a group of folks that are out to mess with you, maybe your number got drawn from a hat, or maybe it is just a big part of life, I don’t know. But I must share this with you. Cuz, yer not gonna believe this.

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June 27th 2008 @ 03:00

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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Neopets and Maria Sharapova

What do Maria Sharapova and Neopets have in common? Not a thing. But I can tell you that those Neopets kinda scare me. Some of the characters seem a bit freaky. Maybe I just watched too many cheap horror films, or maybe the acid that I took back in the 80's took it's toll on my brain, but imagine waking up in the middle of the night and seeing one of those things by your bed? I am glad I don't have children that are into those things. They look they would try and get you in the neck while you are sleeping.

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June 25th 2008 @ 04:41

Posted By: jimmy james - Category: No Category

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April 2009

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February 2009

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