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A comic genious

So you think you can dance?

Boogie Til You Puke

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I live by the water. There is nothing like a long walk on the beach to clear your head. It also provides many sights that are inspiring, and tragically some that aren't. I am talking about the landscape of course. The beach is one of my favorite places to people watch.

I always try to make conversation with people on the beach. Some want to talk, others don’t. I came upon two women that were very friendly. They happened to be from Equador. Now my geography isn’t as good as it used to be, but I first thought that it was near the equator and it must be very hot there, no?

Hmmmmm..............

My encounter with these two women cleared my head up better than a 3 hour walk on the beach. Just when I thought my life was going nowhere, something like this happens and has given me a new perspective on life!
Now I am thinking of moving there, but I am apprehensive. My brother was married to a Mexican girl. When he died she got his ashes and ended up putting him in a vault in Tijuana. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but…………….Spending eternity in TJ? Oh the Irony of it all!

Where For Art Thou, Brother Rob?

Enough of my personal adventures. Lets turn our attention to the entertainment world!

Good God Amy? What's gotten into you?

Aint a big fan-a Hanna Montana

Jessica still wears the Cowboy colors.

Ya wanna have phone sex with Jennifer Aniston? Well, now's your chance!
She is going to work the phonebank during an upcoming benefit for Stand Up to Cancer. That aint the only thing that is going to be standing up!

Speaking of getting laid, this Romanian lady is 44 years old, and she just gave birth to her 18th child.

There is actually a blog out called "Stick Shift". a new column on VanityFair.com The Gay Car Blog. Now that is news we can all use! So there ya go ladies, not only can you get some great advice on cars without having to give up some pooty, but you can also get some great advice on how to ruin any relationships with men.

”

I swear folks, sometimes I think I died and went to heaven!

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You don't bring me flowers anymore

July 8th 2008 16:42

Yo-Yo baby wanna git wit choo

A few years back, I came across a person who was the easiest going person I ever met. I guess you could call him a kindred spirit. He had a very simplistic way of living life. His logic gave me a higher sense of understanding and it seemed to untangle even the most complex problems. Sitting at the bar at about 2 o’clock one weekday afternoon, there was a person down the other end of the bar telling his heartbreaking tale of a broken relationship with a woman. My new friend just looked at me and said the most profound statement, “Women, can’t live with them, pass the beer nuts. That was five years ago and this free spirit suffered an untimely horrible death a week later from alcohol poisoning. That could be the reason why he was so nonjudgmental about life. Booze is also a good reason why men and women get together in the first place. The two things that many folks hold dear are making $ and getting laid.

Is this love that I'm feeling?

It just hurts to see everybody falling out of love. Just when you think you got a good thing going, somebody seems to have a change of heart. Heartache also runs rampant with celebrities.

strike 3........yer out!!

When a man loves a woman: Does he love the fact that she has a nice rack or does he adore that she snores and looks very frightening without makeup?

YHAMA-HAMMA!

When a woman loves a man: Women are much smarter than the man is. Most men do not always respect this but the truth hurts. Most women can do without sex. This drives the guys crazy, but some women may use this as bribery to satisfy their materialistic needs. If she can persuade her mate to let her have that dining set she’s had her eye on, then maybe she will fulfill his silly fantasy that he has had since he was 13 years old. (Fantasies are never as good in reality as they are in the imagination, so again, the woman has out smarted the man).

You want that dining set honey?

Guys and gals are like oil and water. They don’t mix. And those that do are rare and there may be something wrong with them.

ignorance is bliss

I sit and laugh at fools in love. There aint no such thing as love. No angel singing up above today.

Frank Zappa

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The walrus was Paul

July 1st 2008 16:48

Beatlemania is coming back again. Not those knockoff bands that are touring making big bucks off the fab four, but an old interview with John Lennon and Paul McCartney was found in a garage in London that was done 44 years ago. The 9 minute interview highlights the two songwriters talking about how they first met. The long lost interview will air on BBC Radio 4 on Tuesday and repeated later this week. It kind of makes you think about why it was stored in a garage. What if somebody wanted to have a tag sale? I can hear it now. “Honey, what do you want to do with this old film canister? Should we put it out with the old lawnmower and sofa for the tag sale this weekend”? I wonder what else is in that garage. Maybe some long lost footage of the Kennedy assassination? Maybe the walrus killed JFK.

I didnt shoot JFK, I shot the sheriff

And I am sure you all heard about front man Steven Tyler’s sabbatical in a rehab facility. It was originally reported that the singer was having foot surgery. But he became addicted to pain pills and sleep pills (Which is very easy to do if you are a recovering addict) so he has changed his sobriety date, but at least he got his feet done. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt!
So, as you can plainly see, there seems to be some real exciting things going on in the music biz.

I don’t know where you live, but here on the East coast in the good ole US of A, there has been another heat wave hovering over the region again. Walking into Stop & Shop this past weekend, I observed a shopping cart over turned in the middle of the road leading into the store. “This cant be good”, I thought to myself as I started to enter the store and saw a frazzled woman walking out of the store muttering to herself. At that point, I was wondering if I should go in there or not. But as I walked in, the first thing I saw were two sales reps from some freakin food company trying to figure out how to put up a display. Wish I could describe the look on their faces, but it was pretty funny. I couldn’t help but think that these poor souls are being paid pennies to do the job and put up with the frustration of putting up a silly display to promote Chips-Ahoy cookies that are on sale for $2.99. What a deal. These folks are willing to put their mental health on the line so you and I can enjoy a fine product like Chips-Ahoy at a great price! Sometimes I think I died and went to heaven.
As I was walking toward the deli counter, I heard yelling and as I looked up, I saw a very large, or should I say, portly woman screaming at the poor clerk behind the counter about the brand of salami that she usually gets. My first thought was maybe why this woman was angry was the fact she hadn’t gotten the “Salami” she REALLY needed. That’s what it usually comes down to. There are two things that can get people pissed off, a lack of sex and a lack of $. I couldn’t help but think that the last place this lady needed to be was a grocery store. Maybe a nice brisk walk on a hot day might do her body good, instead of taking her frustrations out on the female employee that is probably pulling down $8.00 an hour to act as a dart board for all the wonderful folks that patronize the store on a hot and sticky day. I wanted to say something to the lady, but she was very big compared to me and if she ever caught me, that would be my demise. I could think of a lot of other ways on how I would rather lose my life.

Gimmie Dat Salami

But this is a great country to live in, despite all my complaining I get a reality check. My sweet, sweet Christy-Creamy-Ann -Cremora Jones will drop whatever she is doing when ever she hears America’s national anthem and put her hand over her heart and pay her respect to the USA.

christy creamy ann cremora jones

And she really knows how to save a nickel. Just when you think you know somebody. I think I’m in love.
Happy Fourth of July.

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The Laundromat From Hell

June 27th 2008 03:00

During the course of my day today, I was confronted with all different kinds of situations. It just seemed as though everybody that came into my path was, well, let's just say in rare form. I am sure that everyone goes through days like these from time to time. I am by no means complaining, crying out about how bad I got it! But I don’t know, by the time the day was half way done, I was looking around to see if there were any hidden cameras, just like that old show Candid Camera.
It sometimes feels like there are a group of folks that are out to mess with you, maybe your number got drawn from a hat, or maybe it is just a big part of life, I don’t know. But I must share this with you. Cuz, yer not gonna believe this.

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Neopets and Maria Sharapova

June 25th 2008 04:41

What do Maria Sharapova and Neopets have in common? Not a thing. But I can tell you that those Neopets kinda scare me. Some of the characters seem a bit freaky. Maybe I just watched too many cheap horror films, or maybe the acid that I took back in the 80's took it's toll on my brain, but imagine waking up in the middle of the night and seeing one of those things by your bed? I am glad I don't have children that are into those things. They look they would try and get you in the neck while you are sleeping.

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A comic genious

June 23rd 2008 18:47

George Carlin was arrested in 1972 in Milwaukee for his performance of "The seven deadly words that you can't say on T.V.
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Who's Yer Daddy?

June 17th 2008 23:04

Christopher Edward Tanner, 47, of Anaheim, Calif., is asking a Nashville court to order DNA testing he believes will prove the late singer Eddy Arnold was his father. Tanner said that he submitted the request last week for paternity testing on Arnold's remains. "I really don't want to have to exhume the body, but we've got no choice now," Tanner said.
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Hedge Row

June 13th 2008 22:38

Sitting outside in the backyard at the picnic table thinking about how much time has passed made my head spin,The picnic table is old, yet modern.The white plastic with the plastic chairs that hurt your ass after a while. My memory goes back to the old-style picnic table. Now those were real picnic tables. At least if your ass hurt after sitting at one, it made sense because it was made out of wood. And they were always painted that classic “Picnic Table Red” color. Or was it more of an auburn color? Maybe a burnt red?
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Doctor hammers man with nail in head

June 12th 2008 01:43

This one is outta Shawnee Kansas: It appears a man had a 2/12 inch nail driven into his head and didn't even know it.His friend did.He saw it protruding through his baseball cap.George Chandler said he only felt a sting and added "It never did really what you call hurt." Chandler's friend,Phil Kern was helping him mount lattice on Chandlers deck when the hose to the nail gun got caught on something. Chandler stood up right as the gun discharged.They both looked around for the nail but couldn't find it.But when Kern saw the nail sticking out from his friends cap,he told him to sit down while he called 911. At the ER, a doctor first tried pliers to remove the nail but that didn't work. "He looked at me and said, 'I need a claw hammer,'" Chandler recalled. "I thought, 'Ah, he's just teasing.'" He was able to remove the nail with the claw hammer.After all that,I am sure there was a point that stuck into Chandlers mind: Weel,besides the nail.Get a cordless nail gun.They never mentioned how the porch came out.
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