Ian White1/17/2011: Jeff Winger
Community is an American television comedy series created by Dan Harmon that airs on NBC. The series is about a group of students at a community college in Colorado. The show centers around Jeff Winger.
Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) is a snarky, glib lawyer attending Greendale Community College. He was a lawyer until the Colorado Bar Association found out that he did not get a bachelor's degree from Columbia University but, in fact, got one that was "less than legitimate" and "better than real" from the country of Colombia. Jeff returns to college by attending Greendale Community College as a "deal" with the bar in order to prevent him from being disbarred. He consequently hopes to graduate as quickly as possible.
Jeff is continually sarcastic and often displays much less enthusiasm for Greendale activities than other members in his Spanish study group. Because of his background as a lawyer and his compelling personality, many people, including Dean Pelton and Seņor Chang, seek help from him. These ventures include stints as a member of the debate team and editor of the school paper and efforts to improve Chang's professional and love lives. Due to his competitive nature, he has difficult relationships with his accounting, billiards, and pottery teachers when he does poorly in their classes. He enjoys being in positions of authority and acts as the effective leader of the group. It becomes apparent that several members of the group rely on him playing this role while Pierce tends to insult him whenever he can, despite his lack of wit. He shows an increasing maturity and tolerance for the viewpoints of the other group members, as indicated by his decision to let Pierce continue believing in his cult despite its ridiculousness in season two.
Abed: Everyone be perfectly sincere. Humbugs are attracted to sarcasm.
Jeff: Wow. Somewhere out there Tim Burton just got a boner.
Jeff: There's a place at Third and Water. It's fun, divey but not staph infection divey. It's either got a gross name, or an ironically fancy one. Possibly both.
Britta: Oh, The Ball Room. Good.
Annie: There's a conspiracy here. A dark, vast conspiracy that may go all the way to the top.
Jeff: This is Greendale, Annie. If there is a conspiracy, it goes to slightly above the middle.
[to Annie]: You even work too hard at passive-aggression.
Looks like someone sent us a message. A tiny, underwhelming message.
That is gonna be the worst book I ever read cover to cover.
Shirley: Jeff, you don't have a bag?
Jeff: I could never deprive the world of the portion of my chest the strap would cover.
Jeff: I'm Pierce Hawthorne's emergency contact.
Woman: So, you're here to pick him up?
Jeff: I'm here to be removed as his emergency contact.
Britta, you're not a whore. Shirley, Jesus turned the other cheek. He didn't garnish wages. Pierce, do I even need to say this? It's bad to hunt man for sport.
Is the Dean planning another ridiculous event, or is the Greendale hat club still struggling to be noteworthy?
She's a stripper. Life sued her and she lost.
DA used to call us The Litterbugs, we put so much trash back on the street.
And tell the drama club their tears will be real today!
I got a B on my nutrition final, and I am celebrating with pie and a dollop of whipped irony.
The universe goes by supply and demand. The more you take and demand, the more it sends.
Britta, why waste your time envying my gift for levity when there's so much you could be doing with your natural talent for severity?
Britta: Someone's mom gave them way too much praise.
Jeff: Man, so did someone's psych teacher.
Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.
I can't say no to those big doe eyes. It's like strangling a mermaid with a bike chain.
I hate to say I told you so, so I'll shout it through cupped hands.
Can't I be the friend in the group whose trademark is his well-defined boundaries like Privacy Smurf, Discrete Bear, or Confidentiality Spice?
Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.
Pierce: So what's the deal Jeff, you leave your stones in your other suit? Why didn't you wrap that guy in the face?
Jeff: For the same reason I floss, have a bed frame, and keep my guitar in its case. I'm over 23.
Bully: Give me a winter doodle.
Jeff: If you're trying to be menacing, maybe you shouldn't call the cookie by its name.
The next person that offers me pity will be mentioned by name in my suicide note
Annie: I've been following you, how did you get Troy to play football?
Jeff: I'm not having a conversation with someone that emerged from a bush
Annie: Because I'm right?
Jeff: No, because I'm not in a commercial for a breakfast cereal
Jeff: I'm saying you're a football player, its in your blood
Troy: That's racist
Jeff: Your soul?
Troy: That's racist
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay
Jeff: That's homophobic
Troy: That's black
Jeff: That's racist!
Troy: Damn
Jeff: You're just as selfish as I am. You're just not as good at it yet.
Annie: You're right. I could never be as good as you. Probably because I actually care.
Jeff: Profound, but technically meaningless
If I'm gonna cheat, I'm not gonna write information from a book on a piece of paper, that's practically learning for God's sake
Professor Duncan: Good morning. How is student life, my dry-witted friend?
Jeff: Probably the same as teacher life, but less tragic, because I get to leave.
Professor Duncan: Very dry. Very witty. Not a great friend
Britta: Hey Vaugn, what's up?
Vaughn: No worries
Jeff: Interesting, cause I might be worried if I was playing hacky sack a decade too late
Pierce: Let's have one drink before we work ... to the empowerment of words
Jeff: To the irony of that sentence
Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah!
Duncan: Interesting, it's just that the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism.
