Ian White1/4/2011: Chris Rock
Christopher Julius "Chris" Rock III is an American comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer, film producer and director. He was voted in the US as the 5th greatest stand-up comedian of all time by Comedy Central. He was also voted in the UK as the 9th greatest stand-up comic on Channel 4's 100 Greatest Stand-Ups in 2007, and again in the updated 2010 list as the 8th greatest stand-up comic.
A man is only as faithful as his options.
A black C student can't do s**t with his life. A black C student can't be a manager at Burger King. Meanwhile, a white C student just happens to be the President of the United States.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.… Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, Damn, he must have did something. He put $50,000 worth of bullets in his a*s!"
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!
The Trenchcoat Mafia! "No one would play with us! We had no friends, the trenchcoat mafia …" Hey, I saw the yearbook picture, it was six of them! I ain't have six friends in high school. I don't got six friends now! S**t, that's three-on-three with a half court.
You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.
The number one reason people hate America: the number one reason is because of our religion. Americans worship money, we worship money. Separate God from school, separate God from work, separate God from government, but on your money it says in God we trust. All my life I've been looking for God, and He's right in my pocket. Americans worship money, and we all go to the same church, the church of ATM.
When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!
(Talking about fame) You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.
Comedy is the blues for people who can't sing.
(Hosting Academy Awards) You won't be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.
They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.
