Ian WhiteDaily Wit-1/2/2011: Mark Twain
Samuel Langhorne Clemens better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist. He is noted for his novels Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), called "the Great American Novel", and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876).
Twain grew up in Hannibal, Missouri, which would later provide the setting for Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. He apprenticed with a printer. He also worked as a typesetter and contributed articles to his older brother Orion's newspaper. After toiling as a printer in various cities, he became a master riverboat pilot on the Mississippi River, before heading west to join Orion. He was a failure at gold mining, so he next turned to journalism. While a reporter, he wrote a humorous story, The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, which proved to be very popular and brought him nationwide attention. His travelogues were also well-received. Twain had found his calling.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
We have the best government that money can buy.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
