Ian WhiteDaily Wit-1/3/2011: Groucho Marx
Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx was an American comedian and film star famed as a master of wit. His rapid-fire delivery of innuendo-laden patter earned him many admirers. He made 13 feature films with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born. He also had a successful solo career, most notably as the host of the radio and television game shows You Bet Your Life and Tell it to Groucho. His distinctive appearance, carried over from his days in vaudeville, included quirks such as an exaggerated stooped posture, glasses, cigars, and a thick greasepaint mustache and eyebrows.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
A man is as young as the woman he feels.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
